I Love My Dog!

We had a bit of a debate tonight and it got pretty heated for a minute there. I got so flustered that I told my mother's boyfriend he was an idiot. I don't really think that as much as I just couldn't think of any kind of reasonable argument to make my point clear to him; I really do love my dog. His theory/belief, whatever you would call it is that we, humans, are incapable of loving animals because they are inferior to us. People cannot love a Mercedes Benz, they cannot love flowers, they cannot love cashmere socks, they cannot love their beloved cats and dogs.

I feel guilty leaving Dudley home alone. Sometimes we snuggle together and I sleep in horribly uncomfortable positions so he can lay on my bed...while I have the flu. I have spent my last $20 on dog food, I buy him cheeseburgers from Wendy's, yet even after all of this, I am told that what I feel is not love. I had a boyfriend when I got Dudley and to be quite honest, I loved that puppy so much that there just wasn't enough room for loving the boyfriend anymore. The dog was better. He was more likable, more loyal, cuter, and all around better at existing.

I asked about people loving other people who may not be able to take care of themselves because they could be considered as an inferior being, but his response was that we can love anyone that is the same species just no one of an inferior species. So, if we met space aliens who were superior to us but not human could we love them? If so, then I think that would just make us pretentious assholes, which we already are so I think I win. People who own pets are thought to live longer and be less prone to depression. What about seeing eye dogs? If I were to ask a blind person if they loved their seeing eye dog I wonder if they would say yes or no. Oh, ask a police officer with a canine dog if he realizes that he doesn't love his dog. I bet that would be a really fun and healthy debate.

I'm not buying it. This is a subject that will require much more research, and, yes, mom's bf has a dog that he clearly doesn't love. I didn't win tonight's battle but I know in my heart that I am the real winner because I can love a dog. I'm just not "in love" with my dog.

Who Doesn't Love a Wedding?

I went to a wedding this weekend to assist my friend who is a dj. The wedding was at a really cool barn outside of the city and was about and hour away. As the crowd started to show up I couldn't help but notice the casual attire on some of the guests. One girl, for instance, thought it was appropriate to wear a jean skirt that was shorter than the length of the front interior pockets. I saw some khaki jeans in attendance, which weren't to be outdone by the crowning glory...(try hard to picture this), a short sleeved, purple-cotton t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and black Chuck Taylor's, aka, Converse All-Stars. Luckily, the jeans covered the "All Star" patches. I'm guessing it's not because she knew it was false advertising.

I kid you not, if someone showed up at my wedding dressed this way they would be immediately sent home and taken off my Facebook friend list. I'm serious. I don't think it's a bridezilla issue as much as, well, a wedding is a wedding. Just because not everyone can afford a $26,000 wedding, (the average rate in Pittsburgh in '07) doesn't mean that their guests have the right to treat it like they're meeting for a smoke in the alley before gym class. I don't know, maybe I'm just more traditional than I thought.

The worst part about this crappy little story is that's pretty much all there is to it. You would think that since one guy was wearing a Harley Davidson button down and ZZ Top showed up and got out of the car with two cans of beer that there would be some good stories. Lamest wedding ever. They stood at the bar drinking and smoking the whole time and only decided to dance the last half hour of the reception. Thank the Lord that there were kids there to make it appear as if someone was having fun. The bride danced to maybe four songs at her own wedding.

The biggest surprise of the night was when I looked at the list of music preferences, there was just one rule; No Kid Rock. Who'd have thought?! It took us 12 minutes to break down the dj equipment and get the hell out of there.

Pizza Sucks

I went on Bitter Waitress today thinking I would post to all the other angry servers out there my latest experience in the restaurant battlefield but I couldn't get into the Shitty Tipper Database and War Stories page. That pretty much screwed up my whole day.

I was fired in March for the first time. Ever. I'm 33 years old and have been working since I was 15, maybe 16; that's a pretty good length of time to never get fired. So I have all of this anger built up over it. For instance, I wish the restaurant would go through an epic fail and then, maybe the owner who fired me would get some more young waitresses pregnant, and the teeth already rotting from his mouth would fall out. Basically, everything that anyone wishes on someone they hate.

His teeth are so gross. They look like you could take your fingernail and scratch the plaque off and maybe there would be white enamel underneath. How can someone look at that mess in the mirror everyday and do nothing about it? If you are narcissistic enough to spend over $100,000 on BMWs and take up jogging for a few weeks every few years, why can't you brush your fucking teeth? It's disgusting. And when teeth appear gray, the breath behind those teeth...well, let's say you can smell how long it took for that breath to travel from the 9th circle of Hell to escape that awful vessel.

This guy owns a restaurant in the neighborhood where I live. I worked there for almost 8 years. He had kids with a friend of mine who was also a waitress there briefly. I guess he thought it was a great idea to start fucking her best friend a month after he moved out of their house. So, I spent the better part of a year listening to the two of them tell me about sleeping with him, confusion about their relationships, and how he wanted more children with one and a whole new gaggle of babies with the other. Time well spent, right?

Shockingly, I managed to be pretty diplomatic for that year and keep all these dirty secrets for him. (I'm a single parent and I REALLY needed my job.) I finally screwed up. I got a text message from a lesbian in NYC asking me if HER GIRLFRIEND slept with Satan's Breath, too. Wow. I slipped and, because it seemed so absurd at the time, I told the girl with the two kids. She went ape shit on him and he let me hang out for a few weeks. I think that's because I was going to NYC with his other girlfriend and one of the managers so he didn't want to ruin their trip. The next weekend he approached me and said, "Hey, I hired someone to cover your shifts; tonight was your last night."

I left relieved and embarrassed. I knew I should never have mentioned the lesbian text but I was finally off the hook. The best part is, I told everyone that asked the truth about why I thought I was fired and he told everyone, including Unemployment, that I just wouldn't work more shifts. He wanted three and that's what I worked.

He recently switched his business to cash only and is being audited. I guess he won't be alleging to have spent that cash on aesthetic self improvements.