Pizza Sucks

I went on Bitter Waitress today thinking I would post to all the other angry servers out there my latest experience in the restaurant battlefield but I couldn't get into the Shitty Tipper Database and War Stories page. That pretty much screwed up my whole day.

I was fired in March for the first time. Ever. I'm 33 years old and have been working since I was 15, maybe 16; that's a pretty good length of time to never get fired. So I have all of this anger built up over it. For instance, I wish the restaurant would go through an epic fail and then, maybe the owner who fired me would get some more young waitresses pregnant, and the teeth already rotting from his mouth would fall out. Basically, everything that anyone wishes on someone they hate.

His teeth are so gross. They look like you could take your fingernail and scratch the plaque off and maybe there would be white enamel underneath. How can someone look at that mess in the mirror everyday and do nothing about it? If you are narcissistic enough to spend over $100,000 on BMWs and take up jogging for a few weeks every few years, why can't you brush your fucking teeth? It's disgusting. And when teeth appear gray, the breath behind those teeth...well, let's say you can smell how long it took for that breath to travel from the 9th circle of Hell to escape that awful vessel.

This guy owns a restaurant in the neighborhood where I live. I worked there for almost 8 years. He had kids with a friend of mine who was also a waitress there briefly. I guess he thought it was a great idea to start fucking her best friend a month after he moved out of their house. So, I spent the better part of a year listening to the two of them tell me about sleeping with him, confusion about their relationships, and how he wanted more children with one and a whole new gaggle of babies with the other. Time well spent, right?

Shockingly, I managed to be pretty diplomatic for that year and keep all these dirty secrets for him. (I'm a single parent and I REALLY needed my job.) I finally screwed up. I got a text message from a lesbian in NYC asking me if HER GIRLFRIEND slept with Satan's Breath, too. Wow. I slipped and, because it seemed so absurd at the time, I told the girl with the two kids. She went ape shit on him and he let me hang out for a few weeks. I think that's because I was going to NYC with his other girlfriend and one of the managers so he didn't want to ruin their trip. The next weekend he approached me and said, "Hey, I hired someone to cover your shifts; tonight was your last night."

I left relieved and embarrassed. I knew I should never have mentioned the lesbian text but I was finally off the hook. The best part is, I told everyone that asked the truth about why I thought I was fired and he told everyone, including Unemployment, that I just wouldn't work more shifts. He wanted three and that's what I worked.

He recently switched his business to cash only and is being audited. I guess he won't be alleging to have spent that cash on aesthetic self improvements.