Since No One Will Ever Read This...

I read a lot of these celebrity gossip sites.  They are kind of indulgent and I don't go out very often so, well, this is how I roll.  I think I overdosed today.  I missed the MTV VMAs last night but the internet is abuzz with the story about Kanye West stealing the thunder from Taylor Swift.  We all know the story so I don't really want to talk about it but I'd like to say how I feel.

I feel like if I could make a list of people who I would like to cock punch, it would be predominantly famous people.  This list includes women and their imaginary cocks, too.

1. Kanye West -- just because it is so easy to desire punching his cock.
2. Angelina Jolie -- for being skinnier than the starving people she goes to visit.  You win, again, Angie.  You're the best at starving, too.
3. Natalie Portman -- I can't figure that one out.  All I know is if she had a cock, I would totally punch it.
4. Bono -- come on...
5. Madonna -- when you can admit to yourself that you're a total loser I will not punch your cock.  Until then, I will do it and then curse you with my worst British accent.  Those people have to be offended.
6. Gwyneth Paltrow -- not for the obvious, but for giving up on fashion.  Why??
7. All reality "stars" -- actors work really hard to be that narcissistic and you think you can just swoop in and be famous for being yourself?  I don't think so.
8. Brad Pitt -- you just have douchebag written all over you.
9. My angry neighbor that screams the F word at my mom every few months when our dogs bark for 30 seconds -- you're a fucker.
10. Other People's Kids -- I'm just not that into you.

I could go on but I don't feel like it anymore.  I know I will never get to dole out these punches but I promise that if I ever see any of these people the next time I'm in Hollywood, or Cannes, wherever; I will completely ignore them.  Put that in your celebrity crack pipe and smoke it.  Consider yourselves shunned Hollywood.