God Bless You All

When I was young, my mom was at a department store and she sneezed. A gentleman behind her said, "You better bless yourself because nobody else here is going to do it." When she told me the story later, I decided that I would bless her and every other lonely person out there whenever they sneezed. It doesn't take much energy so it is easy enough to do and it usually gets a pretty thankful response. People take sneezing very seriously.

A few years ago I met a girl from Africa and she couldn't believe people actually gave blessings for sneezes. We explained why we did it and she explained that they just say, "Excuse me." That made sense to me. We burp or cough and say "excuse me" so why not just do it after we sneeze? I kept on blessing anyway.

About a year after that, I met my boyfriend. He NEVER blesses. At first, I considered making the lack of blessing me after my near-death experience a deal breaker but I was smitten so that was absolutely not going to happen. It's been two years and he still doesn't say it and I really couldn't care less.

I no longer think it is necessary to bless every one I encounter. First of all, it feels good to sneeze. It feels good to poop and to have sex, yet we don't insist on blessing everyone after they do those things. Even if you weren't in agreement that it feels good, it is, at the least, a relief. If you really want to bless someone who had a near death experience, bless someone that just gave birth, bless someone who had to talk to my ex-boss and had to endure his breath, bless my ex's girlfriend.

Next, the person who is sneezing is usually kind of gross. They are emitting snots and/or germs into our airspace and, well, I don't really believe that they almost died by way of sneeze. I could see if one were to fall over or hit their head mid-sneeze; that might warrant a blessing.

This also brings up endurance. Have you ever tried blessing a person with allergies? Uuugh...I'd rather chew broken glass than go through that with someone in the middle of spring allergies. You could say it 20 times and who really wants to keep saying thank you over and over in the midst of feeling like their head is exploding? No one, that's who.

Third, and this might be last, unless you are a Rabbi or a Priest, I really don't see how any of us are even qualified to give blessings anyway. Don't argue "gesundheit" because that is German and Yiddish for "in good health." Wishing someone good health is not as bold as actually giving them God's blessing.

"Hey, I bid you good health!"

~OR~

"Hey, since God isn't here, I am going to bless you on his behalf."

See...two way different things. I will rest my case.